I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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