I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I think I sprained my soul last night
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
