Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
ok first of all what the fuck
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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