you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
