maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
