So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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