I wanna bring you to show and tell
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
