The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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