I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize