Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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