I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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