On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
