people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
