the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I am naked and annoyed.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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