I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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