I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
if i died would you start the facebook group?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
