So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
