Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
