my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
