I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
