Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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