Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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