Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
