Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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