Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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