And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
