Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize