Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
