The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
