We're facebook friends in real life
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
