Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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