Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
