Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
