i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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