We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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