Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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