Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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