My room smells like vodka and shame
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
