nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
