His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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