I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
