I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
