oh god the rape fog is back!
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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