I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
