the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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