speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
pop tarts are not kleenex
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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