Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
