I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
