The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize