If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
