dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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