I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
