Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
