You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
