i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
