so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
