It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
