I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
