Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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