lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
