Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize