a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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