It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
