So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
