Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
