i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
