one might say we're banned from that church
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
