I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
