If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
