WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I need to calm my uterus...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
