Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
are you so shy because you have an std?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize