Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
