i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
