The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
She is in my trunk
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
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