Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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