Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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