New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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