i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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