Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
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