At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize