So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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