I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
