that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
