I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
