Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
