i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Randomize
