just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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