What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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