Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
