Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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