Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
