I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
