We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
