She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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