Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
