We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
