Dual....:-)
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
