We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
