so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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