When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize