I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
