My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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