i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
