I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
