I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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