I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
