explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
