dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
