So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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